Yesterday's News
It's raining very hard, it's past 1:30 and I'm still awake, waiting for Oversoul to hurry up finishing downloading. It's making me a bit impatient. I wanted to update my site but stupid fucking tripod says I've exceeded my bandwidth. Apparently, bandwidth's very expensive these days. Gee, I wonder how much bandwidth they give for free now? I think it's somewhere probably along the lines of 1 gig. That's a little bit small. Or maybe I'm getting a lot more hits for my site lately. Maybe Weiss is becoming famous. Well, whatever. This day isn't so bad, but I've had better days.
I really hate my mother. Right now, I honestly do. I don't know how many strikes she's had with me today, but it's more than I can actually remember, and it's quite a record for one whole day. I really don't usually get annoyed, but by heck, I can only stand so much. I mean, earlier, those sarcastic comments. I never meant anything by what I said, just trying to give her straight facts, and darn it if she just threw my words into my face and twisted it and turned it all to make it seem like I meant to say something bad. I didn't.
Then at dinner. I was asking for her to cook me some vegetables next time. She said you're grown up, you can do it yourself. I, although grudgingly, admit that she is right on that matter. Then I ask her if she can cut up the stuff for me. She said I can do it myself. I didn't complain. I don't know if she meant anything. By ordinary standards, her words themselves had not meant anything bad, but by heck, her tone of voice when she said them sure did. I don't know. I'm just really a calm person. I walked out right then and there to avoid getting myself annoyed. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure what I had actually done next. I think I might have retreated to the bathroom. That's what I usually do.
I'm wondering a bit about something, though. I imagine, if it had been my sister there in those situations, I don't think she would have been as merciful as I had been. And for I don't know how many times in my life lately, if that had happened, I would have given my sister a lot of credit and a silent applause for whatever she would have done. I suppose she would have given a couple of sarcastic remarks of her own, probably some shouting for good measure. Whatever she would have done, I would have commended it all. I really would have. I wish I could do the same, but -NO-. I had to be this freaking coward who couldn't stand her ground. I couldn't say what I feel. In those kinds of situations, saying what I feel would have been equal to trouble. I didn't want trouble. I usually sulked on my own, my emotions hidden by my face. I think that happens when I'm like on the second part of my anger. I cannot remember the last time I got really very angry. I think it was senior year, highschool. I had thrown stuff, I think. The first part of my anger may be the superficial anger, this is the one that I show on my face. I'm not really sure. I don't know much about anger. It's not my best friend, not unlike it is with my dad, my sister, and, sooner or later if she doesn't watch it, with my mom.
Ah, well. Where was I? Oh, yes. Then I got up to our room (my sister's and mine) to fiddle with the confuser. I wanted to surf the net for some Yoh stuff and some HYD stuff. Before I did so, I took off my bed's sheet so I can lie on my bed immediately after my computer session (about 2-2:30 am or so). Darn it if, in about ten minutes, she was there, commenting about the niceness of the weather in the room, and when she saw that I was ignoring her, commenting (sarcastically) that I did not know how to fold my bed sheet. Like she was really surprised about that! I'VE NEVER FOLDED MY BEDSHEET. I wouldn't even change the sheets if I couldn't help it. Recently, I've been making my sheets messier just to annoy her.
Just tonight, though, I got really irritated. I mean, REALLY. It's like she was giving that comment so I would answer and then she'd get another excuse to be angry at me. Heh. I DID NOT give her the dignity of an answer. I think she got a little pissed or something. She asked me something about the phone, I gave a 2-syllable answer. Then she left. I was triumphant. Hah. Go me!
I wonder what's happening to her. She's like in Post-menopausal stage, and she's not even there anymore. She's WAAYYY away from PMS. She's too old to get that anymore.
Or maybe it's me. Am I getting too sarcastic and cocky and snide for my own good? Maybe, but I kinda like it. I'm learning to express my feelings more. Fanfics with lots of swearing has really helped me.
Hmm. I wonder....
I still have a lot of web stuff and stories to continue (I'm not gonna say "finish" coz that's not gonna happen to any of my stories anytime soon). Gotta do them.
Japanese is fun, but it hurts my head.
It's 2 am. I'm downloading northern lights now and it's about finished. Till tomorrow. Or tonight.
Posted by apple-chan
at 12:29 AM JST
Updated: Thursday, 29 May 2003 2:40 AM JST
