Age.
Current Music: Mr. Deja' Vu (Getbackers)
Current Mood: Bored

Here's something I do everytime I bored: I go online and check out other people's profiles on ff.net and see who's under 17 and who's not. I consider those 17 and above to be...within my age league, mainly because most of them (or most of the ones I know) think along the same lines as I do, in most of the ways that matter. In the other ways, I think there's something different, and it's only minor, and something that normally comes with age. I know for a fact that people's way of thinking changes as time passes, and experiences grow. For example, in my less than 20 friends, I see myself in them the way I was when I was their age. Like when I see this person, and hear this certain person (who's less than 20), I think, "hey, that was the way I am back when I was 17." It somehow makes me feel nostalgic.

And there's the writing.

Fact is, people of different ages write differently. Although I feel this is still a case-to-case and experiential basis, it's mostly true. You're not going to have the same idealisms from when you were 17 by the time you're 21, so naturally, when you're 17, most of your writing reflects those idealisms (and fantasies). And then when you turn 21, you're gonna start writing about different things.

How do I know this? Well, proof of it all is my writing. When I read and look back at all my works from when I was...13 to 17, I cringe a lot and think about how incredibly...eh (sappy and ew is more like it) they are. Most are unrealistic in the sense that, well, when you rationally think about it, even though they're fiction (and fiction is quite liberal), they SIMPLY cannot happen. Like, it's so way too far out that it can't even happen in the fiction world. As in really not possible. Does that make any sense?

I doubt, but somehow, it makes sense to me.

Not that I'm saying I write better now than I did at 13 to 17 (perhaps I do...my grammar is a bit more solid nowadays than they used to...but that's not to say I didn't have impeccable grammar and spelling back then. I did. My senior year literature professor would spank me and confiscate my English medal if she finds out I've been neglecting my values of good grammar, diction, vocabulary and spelling). But I know my thesis adviser would spank me to death if he finds out...how excessively I use ellipses, double dashes, colons, semi-colons, and paragraph breaks. I mean, those were MAJOR editing issues in my thesis, for crying out loud. He tried to correct them, but he canNOT do anything about them because little sweet dear me refused to back down. I wanted my format the way it is, and so he just yielded (quite grudgingly...which probably explains the 1.5).

Anyhow, where was I? Um...yeah. Comparing my 13-17 writings with my 18 and above writings, I could say that...I've really matured. For one, there's a lot more sex in my latest works, compared to before (I wrote minimal sex then; no graphic descriptions, but I realized things were much more interesting when they're described in way too graphic detail). There's also a lot more details and descriptions in my works of late. Before, I only used simple "said" and simple descriptions; now, there's a lot more "said cheerfully, said brightly, etc, etc." which, I think, is a good thing. I personally love descriptions (which explains my love for J.R.R. Tolkien and V.C. Andrews, who both describe everything SO explicitly), and more so if they're in-depthly detailed. I guess that sort of comes with age, too.

So...well...that rounds up the road of explanations for writings and age and how it differs and such.

Now comes the whole point of the thing. Age.

Immunity for the whole "I'm getting old and I don't like it" thing probably also comes with age. Right now, I'm still dealing and agonizing over the fact that I'm in my early twenties (by heck, twenty itself sounds so...old), and I'll probably continue doing this until, say...when I'm forty or so. Or if I get married after 30 ("if" being an operative word; right now, I'm at that point where I'm close to believing that I might possibly end up just like one of those Sex and the City ladies), maybe I'll be too busy worrying about my kids and taking care of them (and having sex with my husband...hehe) that I won't even have time to think about age and getting old.

Anyway, 21. Age. How does this couple up with my being bored and checking out other people's ff.net profile?

Thing is, I see these ages (and sometimes, even birthdates) lined up in the bio of a lot of people, and most of those I've checked out (most of those who read my fics) were actually born right after 1982. Meaning, most of them are YOUNGER than 21. I can only count a handful of those who are my age or older. I think I might be writing in the wrong anime category, because like duh, Apple, the fans of Shaman King -are- mostly below 21. Most of them are even wayy below 17. I even know a couple who are 11 or so, and I think...man, these kids. Kids who are TEN years younger than me. A whole DECADE. Born in 1992. Born during the NINETIES. I mean, I was already alive, conscious of social issues, and watching Japanese tv programs during the nineties, for god's sake. I was already thinking of sex during the nineties. I was already thinking of lots of things. Of futures and presents. Careers and such. Where I should go for high school, and even college. What should I do for a living. Who should I marry. Where should I live. Why do I worship America (I don't anymore; I worship Japan, UK, and Italy these days). So what point do I want to make here?

If I had my period at nine, these girls (and boys) could already be MY kids.

Thankfully, I didn't get my period at nine (I had it at twelve...and I hated it), but a close friend of mine did. Which means, -she- could have had these people as -her- children.

And that thought makes me feel how old I am.

A lot of times I still wish I was eight or seven again. Back then, I looked forward to Christmas and New Year and Birthdays and getting older. Now, everytime those celebrations hit, I just cringe. Another Christmas, another New Year, add plus one more to my age again. I'm in the second to the last week of the calendar, dammit...it won't be long until I reach the end. One more decade.

While these...kids, they have two more decades. Two more decades to enjoy until the time of judgment.

I'm bitter, I know.

I really need to get a life. All this boredom is making me think.

Thinking gets me depressed.

I want to go to school again.

Or work...part time. Like, in the afternoon. Around four hours.

Maybe I'll do that.

I'd better start working on that application essay. It's due on Friday.


Current Music: Mr. Deja' Vu (still)
Current Mood: *still* bored