RRRRIINGGGG!!!
“Um…hello, this is a flowershop, what I can I do you for, uhum…I
mean, what can I do for you…who did you say? JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE? Um, there’s no
one here by that name, sorry…you know, you’re the forty-ninth caller who asked
for that same person. Try calling again. I’m giving a prize for caller number
50. OK? Bye.” Yohji slammed the phone down and closed
his eyes, trying very hard to block out the sound of the boom box uh…BOOMING
from the upstairs, particularly from Omi’s bedroom.
No, Omi wasn’t listening to
some loud and particularly cheesy music that with some particularly mushy
lyrics which is sung by a particularly cheesy boyband.
It was worse than that.
He was SINGING to it.
On karaoke television.
And nothing else could be
worse than that, right?
Nothing else, except maybe…
Yup. You guessed the ugly
truth.
“LYING IN YOUR ARMS, SO
CLOSE TOGETHER…” from the upstairs, three very distinct voices were heard.
Uh-huh. It was not only Omi
who was singing, so were Ken and Aya (hard as you may
find it to believe).
In fact, for the past
couple of weeks, those three have been doing nothing but sing to the karaoke tv version of the songs of N’Sync.
“And whose fault is that?” Yohji asked the weird-looking uh…being who was sitting
calmly near the cash register and happily eating a kupo
nut. The being had an astounding resemblance to Zidane
Tribal of Final Fantasy 9. In fact, one can almost swear it was actually Zidane, except that…
“This just happens to be a
costume,” The being informed the audience. “In real life I am just your typical
moogle. I just feel like being Zidane
today. What were you saying?” The moogle-in-Zidane-costume
turned to Yohji.
Yohji
sighed with exasperation. “I said, whose fault WAS IT THAT THEY TURNED INTO
THOSE…THOSE…”
“Umm..boyband-like
creatures?” The moogle supplied helpfully.
“Umm…yeah! They’re up
there, singing while I’m stuck here…ANSWERING phone calls that are asking for
either Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez or Lance Bass.”
“Why don’t you join them
then?” The moogle suggested, taking a bite of kupo nut.
“NO WAY! I wouldn’t be
caught dead singing those…those…those…”
“Songs? In case you forgot,
you weren’t caught dead, you were caught alive.” The moogle
pointed out. “And onstage, I might add.”
“Don’t remind me.” Yohji muttered. “This is all your fault.”
“It’s not my fault they
ended up liking it.”
“Well, who owns that N’Sync KTV video? Who lent it to them, huh?”
“I did. But that isn’t
mine. It’s my sister’s. And besides I just wanted to have something I can pass
for my Humanities class.”
“Since when did moogles start taking HUMANITIES classes, anyway? You aren’t
even human!”
“I resent that remark,” The
moogle glared at Yohji.
“But for your sake, I’m going to ignore it. When I’m in school, I’m human, but
when I feel like it, I’m a moogle. You might say I’m
half-human half-moogle. Capische?”
The moogle (or whatever it is) took out another kupo nut.
“How did I get myself into
this mess?” Yohji moaned, rapping his head onto the
wall.
“Hey, I didn’t give the
videotape over to N’Sync’s managers, my Humanities
professor did.” The moogle said with its mouth full
of kupo nuts. “And look on the bright side, at least
I got an A."
“And we’re stuck doing N’Sync’s gigs here in Japan while…where are they? Probably
just vacationing somewhere.” He complained.
“No one knows where they
are, that’s what their manager said,” the moogle
answered. “They said they suspect somebody kidnapped the guys. No one’s heard
from them.” The moogle added with its mouth full.
“But why do –we- have to be
the ones to replace them?” He grumbled.
“’Cause they saw you guys
singing and dancing as N’Sync on my videotape.” The moogle answered with a grin. “And they liked it.”
“WHERE WAS MY HEAD…WHERE
WAS MY HEART…AND NOW I CRY…ALONE IN THE DARK…” The three guys from upstairs
sang.
“ARRGH!!!” Yohji exclaimed. “This kind of music drives me crazy.”
“I think it’s kind of
decent, for a boyband,” The moogle
commented. “And you should talk. After five concerts and fifteen guest appearances,
I’m surprised you aren’t used to it all by now.”
“I don’t like cheesy
music.” He retorted. “Why am I talking to a moogle?”
He muttered under his breath. “Rather, why am I talking to a creature that
looks something like a half-human, half-chimpanzee?”
“I resent that, but I’ll
ignore it.” The moogle gave Yohji
a look.
“Can you tell me what you
did to convince us to do that video for you?” Yohji
demanded.
The moogle swallowed another kupo nut. “I gave you all the proper bargain. Cost me a lot
too.” The moogle added.
Yohji raised an
eyebrow. “Oh, really?”
The moogle nodded. “But it was
worth it from the commission I get everytime you guys
have a concert, and with the guestings…I get an
excellent kickback…HACK! OUCH! I…*hack* can’t… *hack* breathe…” Yohji started to strangle the moogle
with his wires. “Ouch…” The moogle pleaded for Yohji to let him…her…it—go. “Please let me go?”
“What EXACTLY did I bargain my excellent voice and good
looks for?” He demanded, not letting go of the moogle.
“TALK!”
“Umm…the names and phone numbers of all the single women
over 18 that I know? If I remember correctly, I listed about fifty.” The moogle coughed, sending a spray of chewed kupo nuts in Yohji’s face.
“Oh.” Yohji loosened his hold at
the moogle and wiped the kupo
nuts (ew) from his face.
*Cough, cough* The moogle cleared its throat. “And I got Omi-kun the latest
issue of his favorite PC magazine, and I bought Ken-kun some new soccer
cleats…and I paid Aya-kun some money.”
“And HOW on EARTH did you get us to sing in five concerts
and fifteen guest appearances?” Yohji demanded.
“That’s not my fault. I didn’t sign the contract. You guys
did.” The moogle pointed out.
“I don’t remember signing any contract.” Yohji glared at the moogle.
The moogle shrugged, then it took
another handful of kupo nuts from its pocket. “You
were drunk when you signed the contract. All four of you.” The moogle added, chewing the kupo
nuts loudly.
“Could you PLEASE stop eating those things?
They’re driving me nuts.” Yohji said to the moogle. “And that,
added to that SINGING upstairs…RRARRGH!!!” He exclaimed.
“Nuts, that’s a pun,” the moogle said thoughtfully. “Good one, Yohji-kun.”
The moogle said as it continued eating kupo nuts, chewing very, -very- loudly, as if trying to
annoy Yohji.
It seemed to be working
very well. Yohji’s face was turning pink, and his
eyes were looking at the moogle very darkly. ”Stay
calm, Yohji,” he muttered to himself. He took a deep
breath. “One…two…three…four…five…six…”
“I LIE AWAKE, I DRIVE
MYSELF CRAZY, DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY…” crooned the three guys from upstairs.
“Seven…eight…” Yohji said muttered in between clenched teeth, glaring at
the moogle who continued eating the kupo nuts happily.
RRRRING!!!!! The phone rang
again.
For the 50th
time.
Yohji
picked up the phone. “WHAT?!?!?” He demanded. “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL
YOU?!?!?!? THERE’S NO ONE HERE NAMED JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE!” He screamed. “PRIZE?
WHAT PRIZE? 50th CALLER?!? WELL, I CHANGED MY MIND, OK?“ A pause.
“NO. THERE’S NO ONE HERE NAMED JC CHASEZ EITHER! THIS IS NOT THE F**KING
HEADQUARTERS OF N’SYNC, ALRIGHT? THIS IS A FLOWERSHOP, AND WE SELL FLOWERS!!!”
He slammed the phone down and gazed at the moogle
darkly.
“What?” The moogle asked calmly, still chewing and crunching kupo nuts.
“I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY,
WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I DO…” The three upstairs continued to sing.
“I’m going to kill you…” Yohji muttered darkly, his eyes turning around like that of
a lunatic.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Manx’s voice interrupted Yohji’s lunatic antics…umm, I mean lunatic ravings…I mean
*ahem* lunacy.
“Hi, Manx!” The moogle greeted, wagging its tail cheerfully.
“Oh, hey, Zidane…what’s going on…?” She heard the singing upstairs.
“Oh, hey…hey…HEY!” She exclaimed.
“Wha…”
Yohji’s voice was starting to get lunatically
slurred. He was mentally plotting how he was gonna
murder the moogle-in-Zidane-costume.
“I LOVE THAT SONG!” Manx
said. “WHY DIDN’T I KNOW IT…HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU BABY…WHY DIDN’T I SHOW IT…” She
started to sing the rest of Justin Timberlake’s lines while she went upstairs to
join the KTV party. Her voice blended in with Omi’s who was singing as Justin
Timberlake. Ken sang JC Chasez’ lines while Aya took over Lance Bass’ parts.
Yohji’s
eyes took on the look of murder. “I’m going to kill you all,“ he said in a
hard, flat, sinister voice. “I.AM.GOING.TO.KILL.YOU.ALL!!!” He screamed.
The moogle’s
eyes got wide. “Uh-oh.” In a flash, the moogle
transformed from its Zidane costume into its normal moogle form, and from its normal moogle
form to its normal, human form. “Gotta run. I’ll see ya all later!” The now-human-but-was-formerly-a-moogle-in-Zidane-costume ran out, away from Yohji’s lunatic crutches.
But just as the moogle…uh, human reached the door, the phone rang again.
The former moogle just can’t resist ringing phones.
It went back inside and scooped out the phone. “Hello? Um, Joey…Fatone? Who’s that? Oh, the other N’SYNC guy with the long
face and the moustache? No, that wasn’t…I mean, yeah…YEAH! The guy who kept
answering the phone –is- Joey Fatone…why?
Oh…OK…really? You know, I think he was being sarcastic…what? Um…yeah…YEAH! This
–is- the Japan headquarters of N’Sync, how may we
help you?” The former moogle paused, and looked at
the seemingly insane Yohji. “You’d like to talk to
Joey Fatone…? Uh, I think this is a bad time, he’s
not in a very good mood…what? Well…OK.” The former moogle
handed the phone to the deranged Yohji, aka Joey Fatone of N’Sync in Tokyo.
Yohji
snatched the phone and shouted to the receiver. “WHAT!?!?!?” He paused, and all
the while, smoke began to come out of his ears. “WHAT?!?!?” He screamed.
“LISTEN, YOU! I.AM.NOT.F**KING.JOEY.FATONE! And I AM NOT F**KING JEALOUSOF
JUSTINJCANDLANCE! I DON’T F**KING KNOW THEM!!! AND THIS IS NOT N’SYNC’S F**KING
HEADQUARTERS!!!” He slammed the phone down, practically breaking it in the
process.
“I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY!
CRAZY…CRAZY…CRAZY, YEAH! MADE A MISTAKE WHEN I LET YOU GO BABY…I DRIVE MYSELF
CRAZY…WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I DO…” The singing continued.
Yohji’s
eyes reddened and darkened and went around and around as if he was possessed.
The former moogle-turned-person was alarmed. “Damn, I should’ve run
away when I had the chance, but I just had to answer the phone…” it muttered
under its breath. “OH, CRIPE…”
“I DRIVE MYSELF
CRAZY…WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I…DO…OOHHH…” There’s that singing again.
“UH-OH…”
“DIE…..DDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIIIEEEEE!!!!!! SSSHHHHIII-NNNNNNEEEEEE!!!” Deranged Yohji
totally lost it and he ran after the former moogle.
“YIKES! KUPO! I GOTTA
REALLY RUN!” The former moogle ran out of the flowershop and closed the door to delay Yohji’s
chase. “HELP!!! I’M GONNA GET KILLED!!!” It shouted as it ran.
“DDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
SSSSSHHHHHHIIIIII-NNNNNNNEEEEEE!!!” Deranged Yohji
ran after the former moogle, armed with his wires and
a large flower pot.
“I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY,
DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY, WANTING YOU THE WAY THAT I DO…” Omi, Ken, and Aya, along with Manx, continued singing from the upstairs,
unaware of what was happening below them.